


Reflections

by Macx



Category: Real Ghostbusters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-15
Updated: 2011-07-15
Packaged: 2017-10-21 10:13:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/224050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Macx/pseuds/Macx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter just needs someone to talk to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reflections

**Author's Note:**

> originally written in the mid-nineties

_Dong, dong, dong, dong_.

The large grandfather clock struck four o'clock, the sound revibrating in the silent house. The man standing at the window facing the street flinched at the unexpected sound, but didn't react in any other way. He only glanced at the large clock. After everything was quiet again, he continued looking onto the street. A door opened and an elderly lady entered the room, carrying a tray laden with tea cups and plates. She put down the tray and frowned at the man's back, not saying a word as she began to set the cups and the rest of the things on the tray onto the table. When she was finished she put the tray down on one of the chairs and again looked at the man's back.

He hadn't moved, still staring out of the window. He was troubled, she knew, deeply troubled. It wasn't his normal behavior to simply stand at the window and stare out onto the street. Deciding that it was better to make him talk now than to wait she came closer.

"Peter?"

The man turned his head and the corners of his mouth lifted into a half smile. Peter Venkman's green eyes held no such smile, simply some kind of sadness. His response, the smile, had been to her presence and he tried hard not to let her see his troubles. He wanted to protect her from what was bothering him, but she wouldn't let that stop her.

"Peter, what's wrong?" she wanted to know, choosing the frontal attack.

Agatha Faversham knew the young man well, had known him for over a year now. They had met when she had called the Ghostbusters to help her with a paranormal problem. The four Ghostbusters had rid her of a ghost that had been called by her father, and since then she had had peace. Peter Venkman had called or visited her from time to time. She knew that was because he liked her a lot, maybe saw some kind of surrogate mother in her, and because she lived alone. Her husband was dead and they had never had any children. She had become accustomed to her loneliness until this man had shown up in her life. She liked his visits and his calls. He was fun to be with, his moods varying from outrageously funny to introspective. Today he seemed to be in an introspective mood. He had those sometimes, especially when he was troubled because of his friends or because of what had happened on a bust.

Peter sighed at her question and turned back to looking out the window. "What happened? I don't know," he finally said, shrugging.

"Is one of your friends in trouble?" Mrs. Faversham prodded cautiously.

He shook his head immediately. "No, they're fine. Ray says hello."

She smiled. Ray Stantz was a nice man and like the others she liked him, too. Unlike Peter Ray appeared to her like a kid in a grown-ups body. He was a scientist, even held a title as a doctor, but he was also so enthusiastic and full of life that she sometimes wondered if he ever ran out of that boundless seeming energy he projected. Peter, she had noticed on her visits to Ghostbuster Central, treated Ray like a kid brother, protecting him, defending him, though Ray appeared to her like a man perfectly able to defend himself.  And if he couldn't, there were always the other three Ghostbusters to help him -- each in his own way.

Then she sobered. "Did something happen on your latest bust?" she asked Peter softly.

That made him wince. _Bingo_ , she told herself, smiling at her choice of words.

"Not really," he said with a sigh. "It was nothing serious. We just rid a haunted house of its ghosts." Peter shrugged. "Nothing big. A simple bust."

 _Not so simple from your point of view, Peter_ , Mrs. Faversham thought, knowing there was more to it than met the eye. Peter Venkman was a man with many layers to cut through until you saw his real self. He had not immediately lowered his guard in front of her, but she thought she knew him pretty well by now to be a judge of what his emotional state was like. Right now it was in turmoil, though he appeared calm outside if you didn't know where to look for tell-tale signs. And those tell-tale signs were his eyes and the way he acted.

When he had first come to her -- right after the bust at her place --, saying that a cup of tea would be very nice and thereby accepting her offer she had made earlier, she had only seen his surface person. They had chatted and laughed and he had told her about the Ghostbusters. He had boasted about his adventures, but had not managed to impress her as much as he would have a younger woman with a love-interest in him. She had simply sat through his tales, smiling politely, all the time trying to see beyond the surface. She hadn't managed that at their first meeting, but after some time and some more visits she had started to see his true self. Now she was trying to do the same, look beyond the surface.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she wanted to know.

Peter turned around and then leaned against the glass of the window. "Well," he started, not really looking at her, but staring at the opposite wall. "Well, we had a little visitor two days ago. His name was Kenny and he wanted to become a Ghostbuster." A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he remembered the skinny, dark-haired boy with the glasses, dressed in a self-made Ghostbuster uniform and his 'proton pack'. "He wanted to be a Ghostbuster really, really bad. He had a coverall and a proton pack. I don't know what he used to make it, but it looked great. He was really convinced that he was a true Ghostbuster. And so I told him we'd make him an honorary Ghostbuster. I gave him a badge I found on my desk. Actually it was a badge from the World's Fair, but then I didn't think about it. He was so thrilled about it."

Peter's smile broadened as he remembered Kenny's bright face as he gave him the badge that made him an honorary Ghostbuster. That it had not been a Ghostbuster's badge had not bothered him then because it made Kenny happy. That Kenny would take everything so seriously was something Peter hadn't expected. Looking at Mrs. Faversham's expectant eyes he continued.

"I also gave him one of Egon's gizmos, something I thought he wouldn't miss. I thought it was some old device, you know. Egon has lots of those. You don't wanna know what he throws away sometimes. We spent thousands of dollars so he can build whatever comes to his mind and then, when it's finished, he throws it away. It's madness." Peter sounded outraged, but that was only a mask he wore again. Shaking his head he said: "But I was wrong." The last came out as a whisper and Peter bit his lip. "The device wasn't so harmless and old."

Mrs. Faversham knew that they were coming to what was bothering Peter. It wasn't that he had given the boy something he shouldn't have given away without asking first. She knew Egon Spengler from an occasional phone call or a brief visit when she had dropped by Ghostbuster Central because she was in the vicinity. Egon was not the kind to burst out in angry shouts about such an error. He'd point out the wrongness of Peter's doing and then drop the subject. So it couldn't be a problem with him.

"What happened then?" she asked.

"Nothing at first. I took him with us on a bust because the alarm came in when he was at Central. He asked to come along and I just couldn't say no. He was so excited and all, I just couldn't."

Mrs. Faversham smiled. That was one side of Peter Venkman others seldom saw or were not allowed to see. He was a caring man and very sensitive to others' moods and feelings. That was something that made him a very good psychologist. He had wanted to do the kid a favor and make him happy and she couldn't think of one reason why he would feel bad about it. Riding in Ecto-1, sirens screaming, was a dream of every kid. The Ghostbusters fulfilled those wishes from time to time when they visited the ophanages.

"When we arrived at the place we were about to bust a ghost, I told him to stay in the car where he was safe -- but he didn't listen." Peter curled his hands into fists, anger rising inside of him. "He went in after us, coming through the rear door just as we were about to open fire on the ghost. I saw him in time to warn the others. We did a whole lot of damage as we yanked away the beams so we wouldn't hit him. We caught the ghost in the end, but I don't think the owner was too happy about all the broken crystal inside." He smiled wryly, remembering the enraged owner as he lamented about his broken property.

"What happened to Kenny?" Mrs. Faversham wanted to know.

The dark-haired man took a deep breath. "I lost it with him. My temper got the better of me and I snapped at him. I told him to go away and never come back again. I told him to beat it -- and he did." Troubled green eyes looked at her. "Damnit, I pushed him right into the trouble we had to get him out of." Closing his eyes he took another deep breath before continuing. "Kenny - ..... - he went off to his friends and they teased him about the badge, which wasn't a real Ghostbuster badge at all, and made fun of him. They told him he'd have to prove he was a real Ghostbuster and that he had to stay one night in a haunted house."

Mrs. Faversham nodded, knowing that children could be like that, demanding proof of one's braveness before they accepted him. And she also knew of Peter's temper, not from personal experience but from what Winston had once told her.

"Kenny accepted that challenge because he was sure the gizmo I gave him would protect him from the ghosts. And because he was hurt. I hurt him, I hurt his feelings, and he needed to prove he was more than a pretender. But the gizmo wasn't for protection. It was one of Egon's latest inventions and it was dangerous when in the wrong hands." Peter's face became a mask as he went on. "We had to find the boy and we did because he switched on the device. We got to him just in in the nick of time to prevent the ghosts from hurting him." Peter fell silent, closing his eyes.

Feeling that he was finished with his story she laid a hand on his arm. "Peter, why do you feel responsible for what has happened?"

He stared at her, a denial on his lips. Then he said brusquely: "I don't feel responsible."

"Oh, yes you do. I hear it in your voice. You think it was your fault Kenny got into trouble."

He walked away from the window, turning when he was halfway into the room. "Well, it was my fault that he went into that haunted house. He wanted to prove himself after I yelled at him to get out of my sight. He thought of us as his heroes and then one of his heroes snaps at him, tells him he's a looser. He made a mistake because he was enthusiastic and wanted to be with us, right where the action was. And I had nothing else to do than to  ... to .... rid him of his illusions."

"You were worried about his safety, Peter," Mrs. Faversham reminded him. "There is nothing wrong with that. He is young and he needs someone to tell him what is right and what is wrong. It's not only the parents who are responsible for a child's education. Everyone is."

"But not by yelling at him and scaring him away." Despair showed in Peter's eyes. "That's not how you can treat a kid! He won't learn when he's yelled at, because he won't understand what triggered the yelling. Kenny thought he was doing something right, but I told him he was all wrong. I never gave him a chance, I simply reacted. He's a kid, for god's sake, and he didn't know that I just blew off steam." He shook his head, spreading his hands. "When it happens at home, with the guys, I know that they know how to take it. Kenny didn't. He  wanted to prove he could do it right and that's why he took the chance and slept in a haunted house. He wanted to be a Ghostbuster."

"Don't you think he'd have done that anyway?" she asked. "He might have gone to the haunted house even if the bust hadn't ended like that. It sounds like he was an outsider and tried everything to become friends with the other children."

He frowned. "Maybe, but that's not the point. On the top of yelling at him I also gave him a very dangerous piece of equipment. I, of all people, should know that nothing Egon invents is safe for children's hands. He blows up more stuff than I can count and that should give me a clue of the danger. But nooooo! I had to give that thing to him. I could have killed him with it! If Egon hadn't searched for it and asked me, if he hadn't been able to pick up its trace, and if we hadn't come in time, Kenny would be dead now!"

"Peter," Mrs. Faversham broke into his self-recrimination. He stopped, blinking, confusion showing in his eyes. "You wanted to make Kenny happy, didn't you? You wanted him to accepted by his friends and you wanted him to feel accepted by you. There is nothing wrong with that." She held up a hand as he tried to protest. "You did do something wrong in your attempt to help the boy, but everything came out fine. You said yourself that you found him through the device and that he wasn't not harmed by the ghosts. That is all that counts, not what could have happened."

"But he could have been hurt," Peter said weakly. "He could have been killed and it would have been my fault."

"He wasn't hurt. Maybe he had a good, healthy scare, but he didn't get hurt. 'Could have beens' are possibilities that should not be thought about. Kenny could have gone in that haunted house and could have been hurt by the ghosts because you didn't know about it. He could have been hurt by the proton streams, but he wasn't." She smiled. "You might have lost your temper with him, but I don't think he'll be angry at you forever, or is he?"

Peter smiled, too. "No. He's really proud. We put up an act in front of his friends and told them he had been a big help in catching the ghost -- which he was. And I told him he could come and visit every time."

"See? He doesn't hold a grudge against you. Children never hold grudges like grown-ups do. They might pout or react rash and violently for a time, but it will pass. If you meet Kenny again he will not even talk about that again. He will talk about what big an adventure the haunted house was. Children bounce back from such incidents as long as they are given a chance to get it right another time. You gave Kenny that chance by letting him help you bust the second ghost, didn't you?"

Peter nodded, only half convinced. "But without me he wouldn't have been in that trouble at all. See, I gave him some ordinary badge and he thought it was some kind of sign telling everyone he was a Ghostbuster. I never thought about it, really."

"Oh, yes you did, Peter. You made him happy with that. I don't think it matters what's printed on something as long as it is given with some serious thought behind it. It's the actual intention that counts." Mrs. Faversham came over to him, touching his arm. "You intended to cheer him up, you intended to build up his confidence in himself."

"I just did it the wrong way," Venkman muttered.

"Maybe yes, maybe no. Maybe the kids would have joked about him if he had worn one of your no-ghost signs anyway. I saw them in a store recently. You can buy one and tell everybody the badge was given to you by one of the Ghostbusters."

Peter nodded. He had signed a contract for that special merchandise and it was selling well.

"I think his friends intended to make him look silly," the elder woman went on. "They'd have made him stay in that haunted house whether or not he had worn that badge. You're trying to read more into that than it really is, Peter."

Sighing, the dark-haired Ghostbuster looked into her blue eyes. "I still can't get it out of my head, Agatha," he confessed. They were on a first name basis after she had started calling him 'Peter' and he was still calling her 'Mrs. Faversham'. _I'm not too old to be addressed by my first name by a young man, am I?_ , she had asked and he had shook his head, since then calling her 'Agatha'. "I blame myself, whether or not it's really my fault. He saw heroes in us and I treated him like ... like - ..."

"Like a child," she finished his sentence. "And that's what he is. Both of you have learned from that experience, haven't you?"

He nodded.

"So it was mutually beneficial. Try not to keep on thinking about the 'what-ifs' and the 'could-have-beens'. Both of you made mistakes, both of you have learned from what you did wrong." Her smile broadened. "Maybe you should invite him to come here. I'd like to meet that young man."

He answered that with a smile of his own. "Make that two invitations. He might want to bring his girl-friend along."

That made the elderly woman chuckle. "Come on, young man. I think the tea's done and I don't want it to be all cold."

"Yes, ma'm," Peter answered, grinning.

Both of them went over to the table. While Mrs. Faversham poured the tea into the cups she noticed that the shadow in Peter's green eyes was already retreating. He'd think about what had happened for some more time, but she was sure he'd no longer blame himself as strongly as before. And if their little conversation hadn't helped, his friends would be there for him. Still smiling, she opened the cookie jar.


End file.
